Day 8: things that make you sad
A lack of direction in my life, sometimes. :c I honestly have a great number of things I want to achieve but it makes me sad that I’m sometimes unsure of which to pursue. And misunderstandings make me very sad. Sad, sappy movies like Like Crazy make me so, so sad. Films and books that are thought-provokingly painful make me sad (in a good way?). People who mistreat other people make me sad. Lonely, old people make me sad. Crying people make me sad. Pop-up ads make me sad (didn’t we leave these in the 90′s?). No online stream of Sherlock s2 makes me sad. My lack of hard drive space to download Sherlock makes me sad.
I got a couple of wonderful things this year, like a brand new cellphone, the most adorable floral wallet ever, and a number of manga~ But my favorite gifts this year was from the most speshul someone. *3* I’m a sappy sap, all right, so you really have to excuse me! But honestly, this year’s Christmas was a great one because people like Tasha, my brother, and my parents honestly thought of me and the things I’d like or find useful! I thought it was so meaningful!
The gift that especially understood me was from Migz, who aside from the infinite love he showers every day, are, materialistically, so apt! I’d go on and on about the intangible gifts people have given me this year, like love and grand things like so, but I’m sure we’re all curious to know the item loot, right? These are all from Migz:
I got him a Zee Zulu and some Japanese chocolate for Christmas, and I also managed to order The Death Knight Deluxe Starter Set for him on Ebay! And also a couple of other secret things I shall not disclose. *3* As for others, I’m not going to disclose their gifts either (like, the Vulgar Boat) ’cause that would ruin it!
Day 5: something you would change about the world
The lack of respect most people have with each other. The objectification and sexualization of women. The sexualization of the younger generation; the pressures that society and tv shows and music have put on children and teenagers to assume the role of “young and reckless” in a way that is not at an beneficial to their growth.The prejudice and dislike for different forms of art that are considered “bad” because they are “mainstream” or “commercial” or “overused.”
The lack of realization that everyone has the potential to grow, and who they are now that does equate who they will be. The absence of freethinking in a society that thinks intelligence is unpopular opinions, that taste is obscurity, and that respect is not something we are all entitled to.
Day 6: something you would like to change about yourself
I hate how I cannot seem to see myself the way others do, or that I can never say “no,” or that I think too badly of people and it kills me that I cannot look at them in the way I used to when I was younger. I would change everything about me that is negative (not critical, but negative).
Day 7: a show or a movie that has changed you, and how
I’ve actually blogged an entry that answers this question, but anyway. For a show, it’s Gainax’s Gunbuster, which I think is the epitome of human strength, will, and true determination to achieve your dreams for the sake not only for yourself, but for everyone you love. Gunbuster is, on surface level, a mech animu that has an incredibly cute female lead who saves the world. In my opinion, Gunbuster is one of the greatest pro-feminist animu ever. Despite the (very minimal) fanservice, Gunbuster, at its root, is about a girl rising above all odds and expectations to show her capabilities–not just as a great pilot of the most impressive mech ever built, but also as a woman who was thought by most to not achieve much. Noriko Takaya and Gunbuster went on to inspire what is considered one of the best animu ever made: Gurren Lagann. Kamina is clearly a very direct inspiration from Noriko.
Gunbuster is more than what it shows, because, my goodness, it is so deep. It symbolizes so much about a woman’s strength, and the human spirit as well. When she tore her shirt off near the final moments of the animu, her bare chest became more than just what it usually is in animu. It was a clear sign of strength, and that action itself didn’t become fanservice as it usually would–it became an inspiring message that the feminine body is more than what society has perceived.
(hey, I caught up! Hurrah!)
Day 4: how you think your life would change if you achieved your dream
It would change a great deal. Well, I’d feel less constrained (most likely). I’d be much, much happier. I’d be living a completely different lifestyle and culture from what I’m experiencing right now. My life would change for the better. I want nothing more than to go to Japan, work on my art, and possibly teach children. I love children and teaching them when I can is such a fulfilling experience; I wouldn’t want anything else than surround myself in children and art, and do all that in Japan. I think what Japan can teach me, I can eventually bring back home here, in the Philippines. That would be an incredible opportunity to have.
I suppose, in certain ways, there are a lot of things I’m going to have to leave behind if I do achieve that dream–although not much. For one, Migz is on the same path as me and we’re already considering taking Japanese lessons together to join Ben in Japan in three years or so (intensive studying aaaah!). There’s my Mom and Dad, but they’ve been nothing but encouraging about our dreams, so they would honestly love nothing more than to see us achieve it. I will be leaving behind great friends and won’t see them for a good long time. And I am going to come back to a possibly very different country. But still, achieving my dream is honestly something I work hard to do every day of my life and it would be the most amazing experience to be able to live it.
I’m scrambling to keep it together with this challenge, haha! I didn’t realize school would get so busy immediately! But it has been so good today. My class is unbelievably fun; I’m with a great deal of people I know and my prof is Manix Abrera! Aw yeh. Our task every week until midterms is to draw a comic strip. Midterms onwards will focus on creating a graphic short story. Fun!
After class, Migz and I celebrated his birthday at Greenbelt. Awesome ramen! And purikura since our 11th month is on the 5th anyway–we kinda just combined both days. Amazing dinner at Sango’s after as well!
Anyway, onto the challenge!
Day 3: what you think your reason for being here is
I’m not entirely sure. I don’t think we ever reach an age to find out either. Who ever wants one reason to be? I always think that, if anything, there are a multitude of reasons for us to exist and not just one sole purpose. When I was twelve, I remember watching Evangelion and how it was Asuka, Shinji, and Rei’s purpose to fight for the world against the angels–how this seemed like their reason for existing already: to save the world. I thought, why are they so unhappy? Fighting the angels was a reason for them being there, certainly, but it’s not like it was the only reason to exist they wanted for themselves.
I guess in that regard, I always thought that living is all a matter of choices and consequences. I doubt we are ever going to have a concrete idea for our reason in being here, but we should atleast keep trying to be happy because that’s a good enough reason to be, I think.
Looking back this past year, I certainly never realized how well it was going to turn out. I actually think I’ve had it good since the very beginning. 2011′s new year was a chorus of fireworks and foggy roads, like every other new year that ever was. But it was an excellent start. Just a few weeks after school had started came that ever faithful day wherein I gushed and so and so on my WordPress about that boy who took me to the middle of a skating rink to level me up and it was just the most amazing adventure from then on. It really wasn’t just in that regard did the year come out so well–there was thesis, which was a success because I managed to pioneer a new medium (along with one other person) that has yet to be taught in my school. And yes, it was impressive and a source of great achievement for me.
And then, of course, there is my brother’s 5 year scholarship to Japan which pretty much guarantees him and citizenship and a life in a country so impressive and amazing. If I cannot be thankful of that, then I am not fit to be called a sister to the most respectable, intelligent, and unbelievably talented man I know. I suppose this is what I call a Very Very Good Year. I could go ahead and call 2011 The Year of Achievements, because, in all honesty, it truly was.
We’ll never know what 2012 holds (hopefully not the end of the world) until the next time I make a new year’s post, but I suppose I can foresee how good it already is. We’re all a little closer to understanding ourselves each year. I can say that for myself, at least. I am certain there is much to experience and realize this year–absolutely more to learn. We all know it is not knowledge that makes us impressive, but experience and I believe there is a great deal of room for that for each and every one of us.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in 2010, which 2011 more than made up for (cosmic compensation!). And in retrospect, I am so glad I did. That I went through a tumultuous, difficult, and heart-wrenchingly painful relationship with someone I really thought I loved–if only because it has helped me understand myself, my mistakes, my triumphs, and, most of all, my relationships with people I actually and really love. Perhaps before, being sad made me feel more interesting, that I was entitled to certain things and feelings–but that isn’t the case. Being happy is beautiful. I am far from being content because there is much to work for and achieve when you aren’t and 2012 is a great time to start on even more stellar things.
There is, of course, a great deal of things I wish I could let go. Disappointment, dislike… the sort of the things that really make me realize I’m no longer the child I used to be; that I can easily look at people in disgust and believe, in all honesty, that they do not deserve the respect and love they get from others. I do not like how easily I can hate myself when I do not do what I expect of myself–I think, always, that I am being too hard on myself again, that instead of belittling myself like I do, I should encourage myself the way people I love do to me, because it works! But easier said than done, right? We all wish to be better people but we never really know how to start, so I think I’m just going to begin by loving myself.
But mostly, I am thankful for once that I wasn’t scared this year. That I managed the courage to say “yes” to Migz in that skating rink; that I took from my strength to believe in a relationship that was beautiful and worth it and turned out to be the inspiration for such a wonderful thesis project; that it was Migz who gave my brother the full initiative to pursue a life abroad in relief knowing that I am with someone he respects and believes to be a brother of his as well. In fact, this amazing year was all thanks to him, his strength, and his unyielding love and faith in God, in me, and in us.
2012 is an exciting thing to experience once again so let’s all make it excellent! Let’s strive and not just survive. Let’s make this year another year we can look back and proudly say it was a good year!
Because it can be, if you just let it.